This infographic comes from a porn documentary called Over 18. We have screened the film and find it excellent in information but a bit too “edgy” for teen audiences.
All posts by Eric Tooley
“Through technical devices … people were deprived of independent thought.”
By Angela Tooley
Eric and I recently visited the U. S. Holocaust Memorial Museum. I was struck by the overwhelming thought, how could this happen? How could the people of Nazi Germany have been so deceived and so unaware of what was happening to their culture and their Jewish countrymen.
Part of the answer is a testimony at the Nuremberg trials of Nazi war criminals:
“Through technical devices like the radio and loudspeaker, 80 million people were deprived of independent thought. It was thereby possible to subject them to the will of one man [Hitler].”
I’m a lifelong history enthusiast, so I was surprised when the museum displayed something that I had never heard of – The Volksempfänger.
“The People’s Receiver,” was designed by Nazi Propaganda Minister, Josef Goebbels. It was available at little to no cost to every German home. It’s low frequency ensured that only German and Austrian radio frequencies were received. All programming was controlled by the Nazi government.
The People’s Receiver delivered the Nazi lies and hate to every German home.
Today, are we any less susceptible to changes in our culture due to our dependence on technical devices?
Rather than one radio in our homes, we are bombarded everywhere with messages of sexual immorality, self-promotion, divisive political rhetoric and racial biases. This happens through advertising, movies, mass media, the internet and social media.
These messages are delivered to us at anytime and anywhere through our indispensable phones and mobile devices. Today we hold in our hands the delivery device of lies and self-deception.
We must teach our young people to have independent thought.
Noble Choices programs address these very issues. Not of the World equips students to see the effects of social media. Culture Illusions trains students how to notice cultural “truths” and question their accuracy. Both teach God’s plan about sex as a comparison. These helpful programs equip adults and youth to recognize the unhealthy influences of culture and media.
We would love to present these to your school, church, or civic group.
Let’s make sure we keep independent thought.
“The Truth will set your free.” –John 8:32
Wiesner-Hanks, M. E., Evans, A. D., Wheeler, W. B., & Ruff, J. (2014). Discovering the Western Past, Vol. II: Since 1500. Cengage Learning.
VICTORY in Online Safety
By Eric Tooley
Angela and I just spent a week in Washington, DC at the Coalition to End Sexual Exploitation Global Summit. Last Friday news broke that the Department of Justice seized and shutdown Backpage.com, the largest sex trafficking website in the world. The Coalition had targeted Backpage.com for several years for the following reasons:
- “All of the child-trafficking cases prosecuted by this office over the past two years involved backpage.com.” — St. Paul, MN County Attorney
- in 2013, eight out of every ten dollars spent on online commercial sex advertisement in the U.S. went to Backpage.com. — US Senate Subcommittee
- “Adult and child sex trafficking victims were forced into prostitution through escort ads that appeared repeatedly on Backpage.” — Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton
The Coalition went to work with the following initiatives:
- Getting the US Congress to amend laws that protect websites from prosecution. —
- This was done and President Trump will sign FOSTA-SESTA (H.R. 1865) later today!
- In response to the bill’s passing, CraigsList, Reddit, and other sites shut down their personal sex sections.
- Establish an app where users submit pictures of their hotel room so pictures on Backpage.com can be identified for their location so victims can be rescued. This was done.
- Produce a documentary film highlighting the stories of victims and how Backpage.com was involved.
- This was done.
- “I am Jane Doe” is available on Netflix and online.
- Angela and I screened this movie Thursday night of the conference and strongly recommend it.
Obviously, there was great rejoicing at the Summit when the news broke that Backpage.com had been shut down. During the press conference at the Summit, I announced on the Noble Choices FaceBook page that we debut a program on Sex Trafficking for churches and schools this fall.
Noble Choices has been a proud member of this coalition since our beginning in 2014. Noble Choice’s mission is not one of activism but one of education via prevention programs, counseling, and recovery programs. The Coalition welcomes our efforts as part of their prevention work.
Porn is Anti-Relationships
By Eric Tooley
I am not a rock music fan. Don’t get me wrong. I like rock music. I love TobyMac and For King and Country. Secular rock’s many vulgar performances and nasty lyrics have ruined it for me.
John Mayer, evidently, is a rock star.
He is not a preacher, counselor, researcher, or a professor. Better than any of those experts, he explains what pornography can do to you.
“Internet pornography has absolutely changed my generation’s expectations. …How does that not affect the psychology of having a relationship with somebody? It’s got to. When I meet somebody, I’m in a situation in which I can’t run it because another person is involved.
If I date somebody and it doesn’t work out, it’s another nightmare for me. …If I date nine more girls before I get married …that would be nine more spats of character assassination.
I don’t equate sex with release, I equate it with tension. I grew up in my own head. As soon as I lose that control, once I have to deal with someone else’s desires, I cut and run.
I mean, I have unbelievable [sex] alone. They’re always the best. They always end the way I want them to end.
This is my problem now: Rather than meet somebody new, I would rather go home and replay the … experiences I’ve already had. …I’m more comfortable in my imagination than I am in actual human discovery.“
Can you feel the fear? the loneliness?
Pornography, while being all about sex, actually robs people from being able to enjoy sex.
(Specific citation withheld due to the explicit nature of the article.)
I Can Only Imagine
By Eric Tooley
My wife and I previewed the movie, I Can Only Imagine. I have seen MercyMe perform my favorite song live a few times and it always moves me to tears.
The movie is amazing. Go see it.
This is the true story of Bart Millard, lead singer of MercyMe. It is also my story.
The movie is about how Bart went into music despite his troubled home, how he made peace with his father, and how he wrote the song.
As a teenager, Bart told his dad he wanted to sing. His dad said, “Dreams don’t pay the bills.”
Bart replies, “Dad, I can do this.”
His dad answers, “No, you can’t! And you’re going to blink your eyes and you’re going to realize that life has got you nowhere because you chased some stupid dream.”
I know how Bart felt. As a teenager, I told my dad, “I don’t want to be a doctor or play football or go to Oklahoma University. I want to be a youth minister and go to Abilene Christian University and study Bible.”
My dad responded, “You are taking the easy way out in life and wasting your God-given intelligence and talent. I’ll give you two weeks to come up with a good reason for this or you’ll lose your car.”
I responded, “I will tell you then what I am telling you now. I believe God wants me to do this. Punish me all you want but I have to do what my God wants.”
Dad didn’t punish me and I held true to my word except I took a scholarship to Oklahoma Christian. A year and a half later, I baptized my parents.
Eight years later my dad visited me when I was a youth minister in New Orleans. He saw the great things God was doing in my ministry. I’ll never forget the moment we stood looking at the Mississippi River near the Café Du Monde. He put his arm around me and said, “I am really proud of you.”
Tell your kids you are proud of them. Don’t let your pride be something they only imagine.
Pornography Recovery Success
By Eric Tooley
Today, February 28, 2018, is my four-year anniversary of sobriety from pornography!
I will celebrate tonight in our Celebrate Recovery program and pick up this coin. I thank God for this freedom.
As I reflect on the longest sobriety I have achieved in 43 years, Luke 11:34 comes to mind:
Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy, your body also is full of darkness.
Jesus tells us that to become light we need our eyes to be healthy. In my battle with pornography, here are nine ways I make my eyes healthy:
- I look away from sexual images.
- I avoid movies with sexual content. This has eliminated R-rated and many PG-13 movies.
- I opted-out of the Sports Illustrated swim suit issue. ESPN: The Magazine does not make that offer for its body issue so I cancelled that subscription.
- I avoid television shows with sexual content. I pretty much only watch baseball, football, and some older comedy shows.
- I avoid watching the news. There is usually at least one story that is sexual in nature. This was a huge trigger for me to go to the internet to research a story and then end up looking at porn.
- When staying in a hotel, I rarely turn on the TV.
- Even though we do not have children at home, we set the TV parental controls to TV-PG.
- We have programmed our TV channel listings not to display any adult listings.
- I “unfollow” friends on Facebook that post anything of a sexual nature.
My addiction ritual was to be triggered and then go to the internet for pornography. Once I eliminated my triggers, pornography is not an issue for me. We are all different and have our own triggers. In my Images or Glory? program, I talk about bouncing your eyes to avoid pornography.
Be full of light. Keep your eyes healthy. Bounce your eyes.
Teen Sex Rates
By Eric Tooley
A moment at my sixth-grade lunch table had a profound effect on my teen sexual activity.
The guys were talking about kissing girls when I said, “I’ve never kissed a girl.” A classmate looked at me in the eyes and said, “When we get to junior high next year, you’ll never survive.”
I realized I was way behind and not normal.
Soon thereafter I started a quest for my first kiss, then my first sexual activity, and then my first sexual intercourse. My parents were silent. My church only taught me what was wrong.
I just wanted to be normal.
It was too late when I realized that I didn’t have an accurate view of what was normal. It is worse for our online teens today.
As much as we can, we must give teens accurate information about what is normal activity among teenagers. This isn’t necessarily what we believe is right or best. If normal activity isn’t right or best, we must prepare teens to be different.
However, you’ll be surprised at how often that what is right is also normal. A recent CDC study of US high school teens found that
only 41% of high school teens have ever had sex.
Twenty years ago the rate for all high school teens was 53%. This explains why many adults have a bias toward the “everyone is doing it” belief. The majority were “doing it” back in their teen years. Not anymore.
A break down of today’s teen sex rates by each grade shows that only in the 12th grade does the percentage get above 50% and then just barely:
- 9th grade – 24.1%
- 10th grade – 35.7%
- 11th grade – 49.6%
- 12th grade – 58.1%.
Teach teens what is right. Teach teens what is best. Don’t forget to also teach what is normal.
Ethier, K. A., Kann, L., & McManus, T. (2018, January 5). Sexual Intercourse Among High School Students — 29 States and United States Overall, 2005–2015. Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report (MMWR), 1393-1397.
Are You An Accessory to Abuse?
By Angela Tooley
156.
156 women testified. 156 deeply moving statements each made by a victim of Larry Nassar’s abuse during a week-long sentencing hearing.
The victims have become survivors, and each seeks to heal. Each one was not only abused, but each was betrayed by institutions thought to be places of trust and safety. Each will have to find courage to trust again.
USA Gymnastics will never be the same and for that matter all sports should go through an intense self-examination. Likewise, Michigan State will face painful consequences for protecting their self-interest ahead of their students.
Accusations were ignored because addressing them meant a loss of status to a program. Accusations were dismissed or denied because the predator gave convincing justifications to reassure questioning authorities. Despite what was seen and heard from accusers, no one in authority took action.
Predators exist among us in unassuming ways. As a predator grooms victims, they also groom their enablers. Predators are manipulators and even a passed background check allows a false sense of security.
Survivor Annie Labrie said in her impact statement, “a pedophile cannot flourish in the way Larry did in an environment that is not conducive to his behavior. He was prolific because surrounding authorities allowed him to be.”
No matter what our role is in a youth’s life – as a teacher, coach, minister, parent or just as a responsible adult we are expected to be vigilant in protecting them. Our responsibility is to act when danger is present or even suspected.
We protect when we:
- Watch
- Listen
- Act
Remember the adage – Where there’s smoke there’s fire?
If we saw smoke in our house we would never ignore it, thinking that fire wasn’t present. We would look for the source of the smoke.
As smoke fills the house, we would never ignore it thinking that it wasn’t there.
Nor would we sit still and not seek safety or call for help from the fire department.
We would not rationalize, deny or justify our inaction.
No, we would act.
That is trust worthy – and noble.
Levenson, E. (2018, February 5). Larry Nassar apologizes, gets 40 to 125 years for decades of sexual abuse. Retrieved from CNN: https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/05/us/larry-nassar-sentence-eaton/index.html
People Are Not For Sale
By Angela Tooley
It was a few years ago when I first heard the term – sex trafficking.
What? People taken and used as sex slaves? Modern day slavery in a country that outlawed slavery over 150 years ago?
Sadly, this is the horribly true reality.
How did this happen? What are the conditions that allow such a monster to exist? Well let’s just start with the Super Bowl. A “market” drives demand for prostitutes every year in each Super Bowl city. For this reason,
January is Human Trafficking Awareness Month.
As I’m learning more it is heart breaking to me that children and adults are trafficked for sexual exploitation and forced labor. It happens through the means of force, abduction, fraud or coercion. It is indeed modern-day slavery as criminals profit from controlling and dehumanizing human beings. This trafficking exists in every corner of our country and throughout the world.
So how does pornography play a part in sex trafficking? The links between pornography and sex trafficking are undeniable.
- Pornography is used as a “tool” to train young children and women so that they will “know” what to do in performing sex acts.
- Pornography users often seek to act out what they have viewed in porn.
- Pimps are operating more and more online as it becomes easier to connect with potential buyers and to remain anonymous. Most social media sites including Facebook and Snapchat as well as classified ad sites like Craigslist and the infamous Backpage have become “virtual brothels” where one can quickly find prostituted women and children to engage in sex acts.
- As addictions to pornography increase, users seek more and more disturbing and violent material.
- Porn users do not and cannot distinguish between trafficked women, prostitutes, and porn stars. [1]
All of these things fuel pornography and in turn fuel the global sex trade by driving demand into mainstream society. One should never ever think that viewing pornography is harmless.
Pornography is prostitution on screen.
The onscreen image is a human being, someone who is a daughter or son, a sister or brother. There is no excuse to allow trafficking to exist because
PEOPLE ARE NOT FOR SALE.
[1] The National Center on Sexual Exploitation. (2011, April 19). Talking Points: Porn & Trafficking. Retrieved from Porn Harms Research: http://pornharmsresearch.com/2011/04/trafficking/
Six Things To NEVER Do If Your Child Looks At Porn
If you discover your child is looking at pornography:
- DO NOT PANIC
This moment is not about you. Put your feelings (i.e. fear, anger, disappointment, etc.) aside and focus on your child. Show your child that you love, support, understand, and want to help. Unfortunately, porn is common among teens. One study found that 93% of boys and 62% of girls were exposed to pornography before age 18. (1)
- DO NOT IGNORE
As an adult, I learned that my parent’s knew I was looking at their pornography. They never mentioned it to me because “boys will be boys.” Oh how I wish they had helped me. I suffered under this addiction for thirty-five years!
- DO NOT ASK FOR (OR EXPECT) A CONFESSION
Only 22% of adults confessed when confronted by their spouse even with evidence. (2) Do you think your child or teenager is more likely to confess than these adults?
Instead of asking “Did you …?”, say “I discovered …” in a matter of fact tone. Remember we set aside feelings of fear, anger, and disappointment?
- DO NOT INTERROGATE
Avoid asking “why”. Use concrete questions: When did this start? How often have you looked at porn in the last month? How do you access the pornography? What can I do to help you stop?
Then Listen. Validate their feelings even if positive. “I could see how that would be exciting for you.” Validation just means you understand not necessarily agree.
- DO NOT MAINTAIN THE STATUS QUO
Your child’s promise to never do it again is not enough. Believe their sincerity but don’t believe in their self-control. Do whatever you can to block your child’s access to porn. You don’t let the alcoholic keep going to the bar.
- DO NOT GO IT ALONE
Remember that fear, anger and disappointment you set aside? You need someone to express your feelings. Your child likely needs the same support. Call us (972-342-0753 or 214-415-4555) or email us here at Noble Choices. This is our specialty. We want to help.
(1) Chlara, S., Wolak, J., & Finkelhor, D. (2008). The nature and dynamics of Internet pornography exposure for youth. CyberPsychology and Behavior, 691-693.
(2) Steffens, B., & Means, M. (2010). Your Sexually Addicted Spouse. Far Hills, NJ: New Horizon Press.