Tag Archives: culture

Movie Review: Beautifully Broken

By Eric Tooley

Angela and I were invited to preview the movie Beautifully Broken which opens in theaters this weekend. It describes itself as

“A refugee’s escape, a prisoner’s promise, and a daughter’s painful secret converge in this inspiring true story of hope. As three fathers fight to save their families, their lives become intertwined in an unlikely journey across the globe, where they learn the healing power of forgiveness and reconciliation.”

The movie includes appearances by TobyMac and Michael W. Smith and the music of CeCe Winans, John Berry, and Plumb. You’ll recognize Benjamin Onyango in a lead role from the God’s Not Dead movies.

This movie is an amazing true story that shows how

“God  works for good with those who love him” (Romans 8:28)

even in the midst of genocide, rape, and being a refugee.

This movie is rated PG-13 for mature thematic content involving violence and disturbing images, and some drug material. This is not your typical feel-good Christian movie. It is a tough movie that shows the darkness in our world and is not for children under 13 or for teens sensitive to these hard topics.

For those who can handle it, the movie shows how God is involved in even the worse of human activities. Themes of forgiveness and reconciliation ring true. We recommend the movie Beautifully Broken for teens and adults and hope you will talk about it many times afterward.

New Data on Teen Sex Rates

By Eric Tooley

Last week the Centers for Disease Control released new data on teen sex rates. This representative sample study of over fourteen thousand U.S high school teens is conducted every two years.

The 2017 results showed the following:

  • 60.5% have never had sexual intercourse.
  • 71.3% were not currently sexually active during the 3 months before the survey.
  • 46.2% did not use a condom during last sexual intercourse.
  • 13.8% did not use any method to prevent pregnancy during last sexual intercourse.

In 1996 I began to speak in public schools about saving sex for marriage. At that time:

  • 46.9% have never had sexual intercourse.
  • 62.1% were not currently sexually active during the 3 months before the survey.
  • 52.8% did not use a condom during last sexual intercourse.
  • 15.8% did not use any method to prevent pregnancy during last sexual intercourse.

This is an incredible improvement. The fact that the sexual rate is 26% lower now is especially notable.

We still have work to do. The same study revealed that among 2017 U.S. high school students:

  • 11.3% of females were physically forced to have sexual intercourse.
  • 15.2% of females were forced to do sexual things during the 12 months before the survey [counting such things as kissing, touching, or being physically forced to have sexual intercourse].

These numbers have not improved in the last ten years.

I remember high school principals laughing at me when I talked about speaking to their students about saving sex for marriage. They felt like the students would not listen and certainly would not change their behavior. My answer?

Students can make good choices when they are given good information.

Even now I still have this belief. That’s why we chose to name our non-profit organization, Noble Choices.

What about you? Have you given up on teens today?

They listen to people they know care about them.

Care enough to give them good information.

Care enough to believe they can make Noble Choices.

Care enough to try.

 

Kann, L., McManus, T., Harris, W., & et al. (2018). Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance — United States, 2017. MMWR Surveill Summ, 1-114.

The One Thing Anyone Can Do To Prevent Suicide

By Angela Tooley

During the last week we’ve been surrounded with stories of despair and hopelessness. When life becomes so overwhelming that one gives up and would no longer wish to live is such depressing news.

You wonder what could have made the difference for that person. You wonder how do I come alongside someone to offer support and comfort?

Romans 12:15 instructs us to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”

Three weeks ago Noble Notes was about how to rejoice and “The Importance of Partying.” But we must also know how to mourn. None of us are strangers to the weight of our sins and shame, our illnesses and weaknesses, our brokenness and heartbreaks.

Romans 12:15 means for us to be present for each other and – to listen.

This my prayer for listening:

Lord, may I always

  • Listen to understand, not to reply.
  • Listen with my eyes, seeing others as you see them.
  • Listen with mercy, not judgement.
  • Listen with compassion and empathy.
  • Listen with patience and humility.
  • Listen for how to be reconciled, not for how to be right.
  • Listen with gratitude, that you have provided this moment.

Now may I share hope.

In Jesus name, Amen.

The hymn, “Christ Has Risen While Earth Slumbers,” is a message of hope.

Christ has risen and forever lives to challenge and to change all whose lives are messed or mangled, all who find religion strange.

Christ is present making us what he has been – evidence of transformation in which God is known and seen.

Christ has risen while earth slumbers, Christ has risen where hope died, as he said and as he promised, as we doubted and denied. Christ is risen, God is here!

If you’re struggling today to find hope, I URGE you to reach out. Find someone you trust, a counselor, or a church.

Call the National Suicide Prevention lines,

1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK,

24 hours a day.

You are not alone.

If you’re in a place of strength today, be the listening and loving presence of Christ to those around you. God bless you as you come alongside others, as you listen, and as you share hope.

Pornography on the Evening News

By Eric Tooley

A surveillance camera caught a law enforcement officer having sex while on duty. There are obvious moral and legal issues but that’s not the focus of my commentary.

I learned about this case through a friend’s post on Facebook. I then found it on local and national news websites. The national news described the act in vivid detail and had links to still pictures from the surveillance video. While no nudity is revealed, there is still no question to the activity of the two people in the photograph.

Each local news broadcast showed the pictures. One broadcast had a warning to parents and said they purposefully waited until the late news to show the pictures.

Yet this one minute, fifty-two second television news story showed the pictures six times (four at full screen) for over fifty percent of the segment.

If that wasn’t enough, the reporter printed the pictures and took them to various people in town to get their reaction for the story.

My personal battle against viewing pornography led me years ago to quit watching local or national television news. As I watched these news segments, I realized I was reacting as I would when I would start viewing pornography.

I turned away but who knows

  • How many porn addicts were led to a relapse?
  • How many young boys thus got their first exposure to pornography?
  • How many young girls are learning what sex is through this story?

This is just the latest reason among many that our personal disciplines of “bouncing our eyes” and “capturing our thoughts” must be constant and always active.

Let me encourage you that the more you exercise these disciplines the stronger they become. My “battle” during this news story was an easy victory after years of strengthening these disciplines. However, I can never rest because the battle still came in a way I least expected it.

(Specific citations withheld due to the explicit nature of the articles.)

The Importance of Partying

By Eric Tooley

Do you party enough?

I remember playing football in the 4th grade. Believe it or not, I was the quarterback. In the fourth quarter of a game, I scored two touchdowns and brought our team from behind to win the game. My parents were not at the game. There was no celebration.

I remember bringing home straight A’s on my report card. Not only was there no party, I actually got in trouble because I only got an A in math instead of my usual A+.

I remember a freshman high school football game when I intercepted a screen pass and scored the winning touchdown. My parents weren’t at that game either. That night I went to my girlfriend’s house and ended up having sex for the first time.

If we don’t party right, we’ll likely party wrong.

Acting out sexually became my reward for an achievement or making it through a stressful or difficult time. This is an issue that I address with my clients who struggle with pornography: the importance of celebration or reward. Otherwise the following justifications hit hard:

  • “I’ve done so well, I earned this.”
  • “Nobody else will congratulate me, I deserve this!”
  • “I can relax now.”

God places an importance on partying.

Luke 15:5-6: “When he finds it, he joyfully … calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’”

Luke 15: 9: “When she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’”

Luke 15:23-24: “Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

Do you place an importance on partying?

Good grades, raises, touchdowns, promotions, concerts, new jobs, plays, and many other occasions are causes for celebration. Be sure to do it. If we don’t, we may be driven to “celebrate” in pornography, sexually acting out, or other unhealthy behaviors.

Partying is a Noble Choice. Call your friends and neighbors together and say, ‘Rejoice with me!

“Through technical devices … people were deprived of independent thought.”

By Angela Tooley

Eric and I recently visited the U. S. Holocaust Memorial Museum. I was struck by the overwhelming thought, how could this happen? How could the people of Nazi Germany have been so deceived and so unaware of what was happening to their culture and their Jewish countrymen.

Part of the answer is a testimony at the Nuremberg trials of Nazi war criminals:

“Through technical devices like the radio and loudspeaker, 80 million people were deprived of independent thought. It was thereby possible to subject them to the will of one man [Hitler].”

I’m a lifelong history enthusiast, so I was surprised when the museum displayed something that I had never heard of – The Volksempfänger.

“The People’s Receiver,” was designed by Nazi Propaganda Minister, Josef Goebbels. It was available at little to no cost to every German home. It’s low frequency ensured that only German and Austrian radio frequencies were received. All programming was controlled by the Nazi government.

The People’s Receiver delivered the Nazi lies and hate to every German home.

Today, are we any less susceptible to changes in our culture due to our dependence on technical devices?

Rather than one radio in our homes, we are bombarded everywhere with messages of sexual immorality, self-promotion, divisive political rhetoric and racial biases.  This happens through advertising, movies, mass media, the internet and social media.

These messages are delivered to us at anytime and anywhere through our indispensable phones and mobile devices.  Today we hold in our hands the delivery device of lies and self-deception.

We must teach our young people to have independent thought.

Noble Choices programs address these very issues. Not of the World equips students to see the effects of social media. Culture Illusions trains students how to notice cultural “truths” and question their accuracy. Both teach God’s plan about sex as a comparison. These helpful programs equip adults and youth to recognize the unhealthy influences of culture and media.

We would love to present these to your school, church, or civic group.

Let’s make sure we keep independent thought.

“The Truth will set your free.” –John 8:32

Wiesner-Hanks, M. E., Evans, A. D., Wheeler, W. B., & Ruff, J. (2014). Discovering the Western Past, Vol. II: Since 1500. Cengage Learning.

Porn is Anti-Relationships

By Eric Tooley

I am not a rock music fan. Don’t get me wrong. I like rock music. I love TobyMac and For King and Country. Secular rock’s many vulgar performances and nasty lyrics have ruined it for me.

John Mayer, evidently, is a rock star.

He is not a preacher, counselor, researcher, or a professor. Better than any of those experts, he explains what pornography can do to you.

“Internet pornography has absolutely changed my generation’s expectations. …How does that not affect the psychology of having a relationship with somebody? It’s got to. When I meet somebody, I’m in a situation in which I can’t run it because another person is involved.

If I date somebody and it doesn’t work out, it’s another nightmare for me. …If I date nine more girls before I get married …that would be nine more spats of character assassination.

I don’t equate sex with release, I equate it with tension. I grew up in my own head. As soon as I lose that control, once I have to deal with someone else’s desires, I cut and run.

I mean, I have unbelievable [sex] alone. They’re always the best. They always end the way I want them to end.

This is my problem now: Rather than meet somebody new, I would rather go home and replay the … experiences I’ve already had. …I’m more comfortable in my imagination than I am in actual human discovery.“

Can you feel the fear? the loneliness?

Pornography, while being all about sex, actually robs people from being able to enjoy sex.

(Specific citation withheld due to the explicit nature of the article.)

Are You An Accessory to Abuse?

By Angela Tooley

156.

156 women testified. 156 deeply moving statements each made by a victim of Larry Nassar’s abuse during a week-long sentencing hearing.

The victims have become survivors, and each seeks to heal. Each one was not only abused, but each was betrayed by institutions thought to be places of trust and safety. Each will have to find courage to trust again.

USA Gymnastics will never be the same and for that matter all sports should go through an intense self-examination. Likewise, Michigan State will face painful consequences for protecting their self-interest ahead of their students.

Accusations were ignored because addressing them meant a loss of status to a program. Accusations were dismissed or denied because the predator gave convincing justifications to reassure questioning authorities. Despite what was seen and heard from accusers, no one in authority took action.

Predators exist among us in unassuming ways.  As a predator grooms victims, they also groom their enablers. Predators are manipulators and even a passed background check allows a false sense of security.

Survivor Annie Labrie said in her impact statement, “a pedophile cannot flourish in the way Larry did in an environment that is not conducive to his behavior. He was prolific because surrounding authorities allowed him to be.”

No matter what our role is in a youth’s life – as a teacher, coach, minister, parent or just as a responsible adult we are expected to be vigilant in protecting them.  Our responsibility is to act when danger is present or even suspected.

We protect when we:

  1. Watch
  2. Listen
  3. Act

Remember the adage – Where there’s smoke there’s fire?

If we saw smoke in our house we would never ignore it, thinking that fire wasn’t present. We would look for the source of the smoke.

As smoke fills the house, we would never ignore it thinking that it wasn’t there.

Nor would we sit still and not seek safety or call for help from the fire department.

We would not rationalize, deny or justify our inaction.

No, we would act.

That is trust worthy – and noble.

Levenson, E. (2018, February 5). Larry Nassar apologizes, gets 40 to 125 years for decades of sexual abuse. Retrieved from CNN: https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/05/us/larry-nassar-sentence-eaton/index.html

Eight Reasons Sexual Harassment is not Reported

By Angela Tooley

I’ve always loved Rosie the Riveter. Rosie represents the empowerment of women in the World War II work force. She is tough and ready to meet the challenge of that time.

Today females are being challenged to find empowerment in another arena – defending themselves from sexual harassment. Harassing behavior exists from bullying to physical violation. Decades ago numerous costly lawsuits changed the workplace and gave young women like myself a voice to speak against such harassment.

I wonder what has changed?

Why does it seem like that females are defenseless against this dehumanizing attack?

  1. Pornography normalizes this behavior by the perpetrator.
  2. Pornography normalizes the acceptance and the conformity of the victims.
  3. Women feel they have to put up with this to advance their careers due to the glass ceiling of unequal pay and/or opportunities as men.
  4. Women want to avoid embarrassment.
  5. Women do not want to jeopardize their reputation.
  6. Women don’t think anyone will believe them.
  7. Women don’t believe it will do any good.
  8. Women, especially young ladies who have grown up with pornography may not have ever realized that they can so no to unwanted advances.

Those who have already come forward have been truly brave. Those who still need to come forward will need support.

For anyone reading this who has been a victim, and for anyone who feels like it is too late to be helped; we pray for you every day. There is help and hope, and we would love to share that with you.

For anyone who has been the perpetrator, there is help and hope for you, too.

The daily revelations of inappropriate sexual behavior have been stunning: entertainers, executives, politicians, journalists, teachers, and clergy. Sadly, I expect the revelations to continue and to eventually hit too close to our homes.

How will you respond?

Men and women, we are all empowered to say NO and to end any acceptance of these kinds of inappropriate behaviors.

Noble Choices stands with you as we:

  • educate about today’s pornography culture
  • empower youth to do the right thing
  • foster safe environments
  • provide recovery resources

This is for all of us.

We can do it!

Pain

By Angela Tooley

Pain – it’s an inescapable part of life, yet we do everything we can to escape it or numb it. There is physical pain in our bodies – temporary or chronic. Then there is pain from our own choices and pain that comes from the choices of others.

The current opioid crisis demonstrates how far we have come in our culture in our inability to deal with pain. This crisis born of misguided notions of pain management with highly addictive forms of synthetic heroin

kills 91 people per day.

Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not unsympathetic to being in pain. I’m not unsympathetic to those who are addicted. I would like us to understand that there is something to be gained from pain. We must be willing to pay attention whether that pain is physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual.

CS Lewis called pain “God’s megaphone.” Pain gets our attention so that we may know God is present. We see this in Job’s suffering, “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.” Job 42:5

Priscilla Shirer describes pain as a mysterious blessing, “it compels us to more accurately assess the wisdom or foolishness of our choices. Pain is ironically the key to being spared even worse discomfort.”

The reality of pain is that it should be confronted. The good news is that we do not have to do this alone. Our pain was never meant to be ours alone. Whether our pain is physical, mental, emotional or spiritual we have help through Christ and through each other.

This is part of our mission at Noble Choices – to come alongside others who need recovery (and we all need it). We lead Celebrate Recovery in Richardson, TX and recommend it if you live in other areas. We offer life coaching and counseling to those struggling with sexual sin in their life or the life of a loved one.

We have had to face our own pain and by God’s grace we are here to help and offer hope. There is always hope!

“we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope”  —  Romans 5:3,4

 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). (2017, August 30). Understanding the Epidemic. Retrieved from Opioid Overdose: https://www.cdc.gov/drugoverdose/epidemic/index.html

Lewis, C. (1940). The Problem of Pain. United Kingdom: The Centenary Press.

Shirer, P. (2017). Awaken. Nashville: B & H Publishing Group.