Tag Archives: Divorce

The Text Message That Destroyed Lives

By Eric Tooley

Margarite is in middle school. Her parents are divorced and she lives with her father. After a fight with a school friend, she is shunned at school. She’s also alone at home where she stays in her room with just her cellphone and computer.

She meets an eighth-grade boy, Isaiah. They like each other. He sends her a picture of himself with no shirt.

Desperate for a boyfriend, Margarite replies with a picture of herself completely naked. They eventually break up.

A few weeks later, Isaiah mentions Margarite’s photo to a friend. She pressures him into sending it to her.

Isaiah doesn’t know she is the “friend” fighting with Margarite. That night, she texts the picture to all of her contacts and asks them to do the same. By the next morning the photo has gone viral.

Students are questioned by the police. Cellphones are confiscated. Isaiah and Margarite’s former friend are arrested and led out of the school in cuffs.  They spend the night in the juvenile detention center and are charged with dissemination of child pornography.

Local papers, television, and social media spread the story. Margarite moves in with her mother and transfers to a new school to start over. Within weeks, a boy at the new school has the picture. The girls at the new school begin to taunt her.

A year later, those involved comment on the events:

  • A student at Margarite’s school: “When I opened my phone, I knew who the girl in the picture was. It’s hard to ‘unsee’ something.”
  • Isaiah: “I didn’t know it was against the law. It hurts the people in the pictures. It can hurt your family and friends: the way they see you, the way you see yourself.”
  • Margarite: “Don’t do it at all. I mean, what are you thinking? It’s freaking stupid!”
  • Margarite’s dad:

“I learned a big lesson about my lack of involvement

in her use of the phone. I trusted her too much.

Margarite will have to live with this for the rest of her life.”

Read this story with your teens. Talk about the incredible consequences of sexting. Focus on each character: Margarite, Isaiah, Margarite’s friend, and even Margarite’s dad. Why did they do what they did? What were the consequences? What could they have done differently? Then do everything you can to protect your teens: use parental controls, monitor technology, and keep talking to them.

(“A Girl’s Nude Photo, and Altered Lives.” Hoffman. The New York Times, March 28, 2011.)

The Purpose of Sex

Happy coupleI had a conversation with a friend about redefining marriage to include homosexuals. Her reasoning was that we raise our kids saying, “I just want you to be happy.” If they are happy, let them be.
I replied that was not true.

Our kids are not happy cleaning their room, doing homework, or eating vegetables, yet we raise them to do those things anyway.

When our kids start dating, they are not happy when we keep them chaperoned, teach them to save sex for marriage, or set a curfew, yet we raise them to do those things anyway.

As they choose a mate, we are concerned for their welfare, safety, and security in addition to their happiness.

As I reflected on this conversation later, it hit me that the purpose of sex in our culture is “I just want to be happy.” When we are no longer happy, we divorce or go to someone else, turn to pornography or homosexuality.

Is the purpose of sex our own pleasure or happiness?

1 Corinthians 13:5 says “Love … is not self-seeking.”

Ephesians 5:2 says “Walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us.”

A few verses later in Ephesians 5:25-31, we are told “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. … For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

The Biblical purpose of sex is about giving ourselves up for our spouse. It is an attitude of “I just want you to be happy.”