Tag Archives: Sex

Unspoken Truth of Birth Control

CondomsWhen I was in high school, I was taught birth control to “prevent” pregnancy. In the 1980’s, condoms were promoted as “safe sex” and “protection.” Planned Parenthood currently says that condoms “prevent pregnancy.”

Let’s say you are a teenager feeling the urge to have sex. You hear condoms:

  • prevent pregnancy
  • are safe
  • are effective

Do you have all the information you need to make a Noble Choice?

Planned Parenthood tells you that

  • “Each year, 2 out of 100 women whose partners use condoms will become pregnant if they always use condoms correctly.”

As a teenager, you believe that of course you will use it correctly even when you further read that

  • “Each year, 18 out of 100 women whose partners use condoms will become pregnant if they don’t always use condoms correctly.”

That’s only a 2% chance or at worse an 18% chance of pregnancy, right? Wrong.

Notice each of those stats start with the words, “Each year.” More accurately, they should say, “After one year of use.” So those statistics would apply if you have sex using a condom for a year and then quit having sex.

How many of you only had sex for one year and then quit? Anyone? Anyone?

Here is the unspoken truth of birth control, the longer you have sex the greater your odds of pregnancy.

 The New York Times did an article on their website that has an interactive graph that shows you the effect multiple years of sex has on these statistics.

Going back to our illustration, let’s say you are a high school sophomore and have sex using a condom. What are the odds you’ll be involved in a teen pregnancy before graduation?

  • Not 2% because you are not perfect.
  • Not 18% because you didn’t quit having sex after your sophomore year.
  • The New York Times graph tells you it is 45% even with typical use of a condom! That’s almost the same odds as flipping a coin.
  • As a college sophomore your odds are 63%.
  • Your odds of a pregnancy before you graduate college? At least 75%!

Still think that those “effective,” “safe sex” condoms “prevent pregnancy?”

Aisch, G., & Marsh, B. (2014, September 13). How Likely Is It That Birth Control Could Let You Down? Retrieved from The New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/09/14/sunday-review/unplanned-pregnancies.html

Planned Parenthood. (2014). Condom. Retrieved from http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-info/birth-control/condom

Groundhog Day Pornography

Groundhog-Day-Movie-stills-51Is your battle with pornography like the movie Groundhog Day? Bill Murray’s character keeps reliving the same day over and over again until he can do it right.

Many of us fight pornography the same way. I always thought I just needed to pray more or work harder. It would work a while but the porn always came back. We try all kinds of different things to quit and even have a little bit of success but eventually fail and find ourselves right back at the start. Most people see their problem get worse despite their own efforts to stop.

The first step to overcoming a pornography problem is realizing you have a problem. I didn’t get better until I admitted I couldn’t quit. Now I wish I had started the recovery process so much sooner. This can be fixed with treatment.

Take this test to honestly evaluate your own behavior. Answering yes to even one question is enough to get help. Email or call me at 972-342-0753. I am a Certified Pastoral Sexual Addiction Specialist. I help people all over the world via phone or video. At least seek out more information about pornography addiction or attend a Celebrate Recovery group.

  1. Would people in your life be upset about your sexual activities online?
  2. Have you used pornography even when there was considerable risk of being caught by family members and/or employers who would be upset by your behavior?
  3. Is masturbation a frequent activity?
  4. Do you feel shame or depression after sexual behavior?
  5. Have you gotten rid of a pornography collection and then started collecting it again?
  6. Do you with some regularity buy, rent, or make your own X-rated videos?
  7. Do you look on TV to find sexually stimulating scenes?
  8. Are you lying to cover up pornography use?
  9. Do you feel like you are not in “control” of your porn use? Do you feel driven to look at it?
  10. Have you told yourself over and over “this is the last time”, and then still do it again?
  11. Do you look at women differently? Do you focus on the sexual areas of their bodies? You know it’s wrong but can’t seem to help it.
  12. Is the porn you look at now more hard-core than the porn you looked at before?
  13. Are you seeking out new variations and types of porn?

(Carnes, P. J. (2007). Sexual addiction screening test.)

(The Turning Point Counseling Services. (2012). Sex addiction self-test.)

Six Non-Christian Reasons to Avoid Pornography

More Porn is less sexTwenty years ago most people believed the only reason to save sex for marriage was Christian. My proposals to do non-Christian sexual abstinence programs in public schools were laughed at even by Christians. Once I explained teen pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and emotional scars get in the way of your future dreams, nobody was laughing.Most people today believe the only reason to avoid pornography is Christian. Do you?

Here are six non-Christian reasons to avoid pornography.

1. Sex is less enjoyable.

A study in Archives of Sexual Behavior published last month found that the more men view porn the less they enjoy sex. Pornography raises expectations of sexual encounters beyond what any real-life experience can achieve. (Archives of Sexual Behavior, 2014, December)

2. Sex is less intimate.

Pornography changes the focus of sex to pleasure instead of bonding with your partner. Women complain that the man is inattentive or even not present during lovemaking. (Metro US, 2014, December)

3. Sex is less confident.

The same Archives of Sexual Behavior study found that the more men view porn the more likely he was to have concerns about his sexual performance and body image. Men compare their sexual size to male porn actors and are typically a third smaller. (Archives of Sexual Behavior, 2014, December)

4. Sex is less possible.

An Italian study of 28,000 porn users found that watching porn leads “to lower reactions to porn sites, then there is a general drop in libido and in the end it becomes impossible to get an erection.” (ANSA, 2011)

5. Sex is less safe.

The Archives of Sexual Behavior study also found that more porn use resulted in more in requesting pornographic sex acts from his partner. Another Archives of Sexual Behavior study reports more sexual partners of all types and more one occasion sexual partners (“one night stands”).  All three factors are associated with higher risks of AIDS and STD’s. (Archives of Sexual Behavior, 2014, September)

6. Sex is less consensual.

A New York University online poll found that those who watch pornography more often are more likely to engage in aggressive sexual acts such as choking, mock rape, bondage, slapping, dominance, sadism, and masochism. (The China Post, 2014)

ANSA. (2011, March 4). Italian men suffer ‘sexual anorexia’ after Internet porn use. Retrieved from ANSA.IT / ANSA English / News: http://www.ansa.it/web/notizie/rubriche/english/2011/02/24/visualizza_new.html_1583160579.html

 

Braithwaite, S. R., Coulson, G., Keddington, K., & Fincham, F. D. (2014, September). The Influence of Pornography on Sexual Scripts and Hooking Up Among Emerging Adults in College. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 44(1), 111-123. doi:10.1007/s10508-014-0351-x

Metro US. (2014, December 16). Men who watch too much porn enjoy sex less: study. Retrieved from Lifestyle: http://www.metro.us/lifestyle/men-who-watch-too-much-porn-enjoy-sex-less-study/zsJnlp—G0pxMmW4XT2TU/

Sun, C., Bridges, A., Johnason, J., & Ezzell, M. (2014, December 03). Pornography and the Male Sexual Script: An Analysis of Consumption and Sexual Relations. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 43(12), 1-12. doi:10.1007/s10508-014-0391-2

The China Post. (2014, May 27). Experts and activists outline porn’s effect on love relationships. Retrieved from Taiwan National News: http://www.chinapost.com.tw/taiwan/national/national-news/2014/05/27/408697/Experts-and.htm

The Purpose of Sex

Happy coupleI had a conversation with a friend about redefining marriage to include homosexuals. Her reasoning was that we raise our kids saying, “I just want you to be happy.” If they are happy, let them be.
I replied that was not true.

Our kids are not happy cleaning their room, doing homework, or eating vegetables, yet we raise them to do those things anyway.

When our kids start dating, they are not happy when we keep them chaperoned, teach them to save sex for marriage, or set a curfew, yet we raise them to do those things anyway.

As they choose a mate, we are concerned for their welfare, safety, and security in addition to their happiness.

As I reflected on this conversation later, it hit me that the purpose of sex in our culture is “I just want to be happy.” When we are no longer happy, we divorce or go to someone else, turn to pornography or homosexuality.

Is the purpose of sex our own pleasure or happiness?

1 Corinthians 13:5 says “Love … is not self-seeking.”

Ephesians 5:2 says “Walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us.”

A few verses later in Ephesians 5:25-31, we are told “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. … For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

The Biblical purpose of sex is about giving ourselves up for our spouse. It is an attitude of “I just want you to be happy.”