Tag Archives: Sexual Harassment

The Text Message That Destroyed Lives

By Eric Tooley

Margarite is in middle school. Her parents are divorced and she lives with her father. After a fight with a school friend, she is shunned at school. She’s also alone at home where she stays in her room with just her cellphone and computer.

She meets an eighth-grade boy, Isaiah. They like each other. He sends her a picture of himself with no shirt.

Desperate for a boyfriend, Margarite replies with a picture of herself completely naked. They eventually break up.

A few weeks later, Isaiah mentions Margarite’s photo to a friend. She pressures him into sending it to her.

Isaiah doesn’t know she is the “friend” fighting with Margarite. That night, she texts the picture to all of her contacts and asks them to do the same. By the next morning the photo has gone viral.

Students are questioned by the police. Cellphones are confiscated. Isaiah and Margarite’s former friend are arrested and led out of the school in cuffs.  They spend the night in the juvenile detention center and are charged with dissemination of child pornography.

Local papers, television, and social media spread the story. Margarite moves in with her mother and transfers to a new school to start over. Within weeks, a boy at the new school has the picture. The girls at the new school begin to taunt her.

A year later, those involved comment on the events:

  • A student at Margarite’s school: “When I opened my phone, I knew who the girl in the picture was. It’s hard to ‘unsee’ something.”
  • Isaiah: “I didn’t know it was against the law. It hurts the people in the pictures. It can hurt your family and friends: the way they see you, the way you see yourself.”
  • Margarite: “Don’t do it at all. I mean, what are you thinking? It’s freaking stupid!”
  • Margarite’s dad:

“I learned a big lesson about my lack of involvement

in her use of the phone. I trusted her too much.

Margarite will have to live with this for the rest of her life.”

Read this story with your teens. Talk about the incredible consequences of sexting. Focus on each character: Margarite, Isaiah, Margarite’s friend, and even Margarite’s dad. Why did they do what they did? What were the consequences? What could they have done differently? Then do everything you can to protect your teens: use parental controls, monitor technology, and keep talking to them.

(“A Girl’s Nude Photo, and Altered Lives.” Hoffman. The New York Times, March 28, 2011.)

Are You An Accessory to Abuse?

By Angela Tooley

156.

156 women testified. 156 deeply moving statements each made by a victim of Larry Nassar’s abuse during a week-long sentencing hearing.

The victims have become survivors, and each seeks to heal. Each one was not only abused, but each was betrayed by institutions thought to be places of trust and safety. Each will have to find courage to trust again.

USA Gymnastics will never be the same and for that matter all sports should go through an intense self-examination. Likewise, Michigan State will face painful consequences for protecting their self-interest ahead of their students.

Accusations were ignored because addressing them meant a loss of status to a program. Accusations were dismissed or denied because the predator gave convincing justifications to reassure questioning authorities. Despite what was seen and heard from accusers, no one in authority took action.

Predators exist among us in unassuming ways.  As a predator grooms victims, they also groom their enablers. Predators are manipulators and even a passed background check allows a false sense of security.

Survivor Annie Labrie said in her impact statement, “a pedophile cannot flourish in the way Larry did in an environment that is not conducive to his behavior. He was prolific because surrounding authorities allowed him to be.”

No matter what our role is in a youth’s life – as a teacher, coach, minister, parent or just as a responsible adult we are expected to be vigilant in protecting them.  Our responsibility is to act when danger is present or even suspected.

We protect when we:

  1. Watch
  2. Listen
  3. Act

Remember the adage – Where there’s smoke there’s fire?

If we saw smoke in our house we would never ignore it, thinking that fire wasn’t present. We would look for the source of the smoke.

As smoke fills the house, we would never ignore it thinking that it wasn’t there.

Nor would we sit still and not seek safety or call for help from the fire department.

We would not rationalize, deny or justify our inaction.

No, we would act.

That is trust worthy – and noble.

Levenson, E. (2018, February 5). Larry Nassar apologizes, gets 40 to 125 years for decades of sexual abuse. Retrieved from CNN: https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/05/us/larry-nassar-sentence-eaton/index.html

People Are Not For Sale

By Angela Tooley

It was a few years ago when I first heard the term – sex trafficking.

What? People taken and used as sex slaves?  Modern day slavery in a country that outlawed slavery over 150 years ago?

Sadly, this is the horribly true reality.

How did this happen?  What are the conditions that allow such a monster to exist?  Well let’s just start with the Super Bowl. A “market” drives demand for prostitutes every year in each Super Bowl city. For this reason,

January is Human Trafficking Awareness Month.

As I’m learning more it is heart breaking to me that children and adults are trafficked for sexual exploitation and forced labor. It happens through the means of force, abduction, fraud or coercion. It is indeed modern-day slavery as criminals profit from controlling and dehumanizing human beings. This trafficking exists in every corner of our country and throughout the world.

So how does pornography play a part in sex trafficking? The links between pornography and sex trafficking are undeniable.

  • Pornography is used as a “tool” to train young children and women so that they will “know” what to do in performing sex acts.
  • Pornography users often seek to act out what they have viewed in porn.
  • Pimps are operating more and more online as it becomes easier to connect with potential buyers and to remain anonymous. Most social media sites including Facebook and Snapchat as well as classified ad sites like Craigslist and the infamous Backpage have become “virtual brothels” where one can quickly find prostituted women and children to engage in sex acts.
  • As addictions to pornography increase, users seek more and more disturbing and violent material.
  • Porn users do not and cannot distinguish between trafficked women, prostitutes, and porn stars. [1]

All of these things fuel pornography and in turn fuel the global sex trade by driving demand into mainstream society. One should never ever think that viewing pornography is harmless.

Pornography is prostitution on screen.

The onscreen image is a human being, someone who is a daughter or son, a sister or brother. There is no excuse to allow trafficking to exist because

PEOPLE ARE NOT FOR SALE.

[1] The National Center on Sexual Exploitation. (2011, April 19). Talking Points: Porn & Trafficking. Retrieved from Porn Harms Research: http://pornharmsresearch.com/2011/04/trafficking/

Eight Reasons Sexual Harassment is not Reported

By Angela Tooley

I’ve always loved Rosie the Riveter. Rosie represents the empowerment of women in the World War II work force. She is tough and ready to meet the challenge of that time.

Today females are being challenged to find empowerment in another arena – defending themselves from sexual harassment. Harassing behavior exists from bullying to physical violation. Decades ago numerous costly lawsuits changed the workplace and gave young women like myself a voice to speak against such harassment.

I wonder what has changed?

Why does it seem like that females are defenseless against this dehumanizing attack?

  1. Pornography normalizes this behavior by the perpetrator.
  2. Pornography normalizes the acceptance and the conformity of the victims.
  3. Women feel they have to put up with this to advance their careers due to the glass ceiling of unequal pay and/or opportunities as men.
  4. Women want to avoid embarrassment.
  5. Women do not want to jeopardize their reputation.
  6. Women don’t think anyone will believe them.
  7. Women don’t believe it will do any good.
  8. Women, especially young ladies who have grown up with pornography may not have ever realized that they can so no to unwanted advances.

Those who have already come forward have been truly brave. Those who still need to come forward will need support.

For anyone reading this who has been a victim, and for anyone who feels like it is too late to be helped; we pray for you every day. There is help and hope, and we would love to share that with you.

For anyone who has been the perpetrator, there is help and hope for you, too.

The daily revelations of inappropriate sexual behavior have been stunning: entertainers, executives, politicians, journalists, teachers, and clergy. Sadly, I expect the revelations to continue and to eventually hit too close to our homes.

How will you respond?

Men and women, we are all empowered to say NO and to end any acceptance of these kinds of inappropriate behaviors.

Noble Choices stands with you as we:

  • educate about today’s pornography culture
  • empower youth to do the right thing
  • foster safe environments
  • provide recovery resources

This is for all of us.

We can do it!