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Cyber Rape

Speak UpAt age 23, Holly had a new boyfriend.

When Holly moved away for grad school, they dated long-distance. “To keep the intimacy alive” she sent him naked photos and a personal sexual video.

However after three years, it ran its course and they had a “normal breakup.”

Several months later, Holly’s naked photos were all over the internet with her full name, email address, job title, where she worked, and other details.

“My stomach just dropped and I felt ill.” Holly worked to remove the photos but they kept coming up on more and more sites.

Then it got worse. She received an email with her photos. “Get in touch concerning your pictures. There’s also a nice video. Have [they] seen them? It’s 8:15 where you are. You have until 8:37 to reply. Then I start the distribution.” The email listed the email addresses of Holly’s co-workers and boss.

Holly did not respond. The photos were emailed to her boss and co-workers and went viral within three days. Her boss called her in to explain. Holly eventually quit her job.

Now three years after the break up, “I felt like the only thing I could do was part from that identity that had been completely defamed.” She legally changed her name to Holly from her birth name.

Six months later she was going to present her doctoral thesis at a conference. Her naked photos appeared on the web with her new name and with the date, time and location of the conference. “They said something like why don’t you go check her out and see if she’ll have sex with you for money.”

Fearing for her safety, Holly backed out of the conference and went to the police. Since she was over 18 and voluntarily gave the pictures and video, there wasn’t anything they could do.

Holly didn’t give up. She went to her state attorney’s office who took her case. Holly, now age 29, became the first person to sue an ex for their distribution of revenge pornography. “It is really cyber rape. It’s just another way of exploiting women.”

(Jacobs, H. (2013, September 8). A Message From Our Founder, Dr. Holly Jacobs. Retrieved from End Revenge Porn: http://www.endrevengeporn.org/?p=422)
(Miller, M. E. (2013, May 9). Miami Student Holly Jacobs Fights Revenge Porn. Retrieved from Miami New Times News: http://www.miaminewtimes.com/2013-05-09/news/revenge-porn-miami-holly-jacobs/full/)

12 Stages of Intimacy

Holding HandsAs a teenage boy, I would talk about how far I got with a girl with the terms, first base (kissing), second base (touching above the waist), third base (touching below the waist), and home run (sex). Even as I got married I considered this the four stages of intimacy.

Boy was I wrong.

Desmond Morris discovered twelve stages of intimacy. Couples who followed these stages developed a deeper bond by spending time at each stage. Couples who rushed through or even skipped stages didn’t have as strong a bond and were more likely to divorce.

Deep down teens want a meaningful marriage that doesn’t end in divorce. We can help them by teaching them the Twelve Stages of Intimacy and the importance of spending time at each step.

1. Eye to body. You notice the person. You are interested.

2. Eye to eye. Your eyes meet. You notice each other. You are interested in each other.

3. Voice to voice. You talk. You call. You text. You email. This should be a pretty long stage. You start emotionally bonding.

4. Hand to hand. You hold hands. It may be accidental touch that is kept in contact or deliberate. You are special.

5. Hand to shoulder. You put your arm around their shoulder. This publicizes your relationship.

6. Hand to waist. Your arms around each other’s waist. You know this person about as well as you know your best friend, and you like what you know.

7. Face to face. You hug and kiss. You start physically bonding which is an extension of the emotional bond you have taken time to establish.

8. Hand to head. You run your fingers through their hair. They cradle your face. You stroke their face. This shows a deepening trust.

The following steps are best saved for marriage.

9. Hand to body. This is what I called second base as teen. For obvious reasons, the following steps progress rapidly once started.
10. Mouth to body.
11. Touching below the waist. Third base.
12. Intercourse. Home run especially if you have taken the time bond at the previous 11 steps.

Morris, D. (1971). Intimate Behaviour: A Zoologist’s Classic Study of Human Intimacy. New York: Kodansha America, Inc.

Super Bowl Commercials

Young Boy Watching TelevisionThe Super Bowl is one of the few distinctively American events that unites us as a culture. A majority of us will watch this event.

Last year’s game set the record for the most-watched television event in U.S. history. The top four television episodes in viewership in a given year are often the Super Bowl, the Super Bowl Pre-Kick show, the Super Bowl post-game show, and the Super Bowl Kick-Off show.

The week after the game, we’ll talk about the commercials, the half-time show, our Super Bowl parties, and a few of us might even talk about the actual football game.

The Super Bowl commercials are a teachable moment with our young people. Children and teens will want to talk about them. Take advantage of this moment to teach media discernment and your values.

In my program “Culture Illusions,” I teach teens to “Ask the B.I.G. Questions.”

B – What BELIEF about sex is being taught or promoted?
I IS this belief true?
G – Is this belief GODLY?

Start this conversation with your teenagers regarding commercials but keep it going in television shows, movies, magazine article titles, music, billboards or anything else in culture.

Later you may notice them making a comment that answers a B.I.G. question without you asking. Praise them for their maturity and even thank them for pointing out something you missed.

Some studies now say our children will spend more time consuming media over their lifetimes than they will in their full-time jobs.

We must teach the wisdom of Solomon:

I said to myself, “Come on. I’ll put pleasure to the test. I want to find out what is good.” … I gave myself everything my eyes wanted. … But then I looked over everything my hands had done. … And nothing had any meaning. It was like chasing the wind. Nothing was gained.” Ecclesiastes 2:1-10 (NIRV)
The Nielsen Company. (2012, December 11). Nielsen Tops of 2012: Television. Retrieved from neilsenwire (Blog): http://blog.nielsen.com/nielsenwire/consumer/nielsen-tops-of-2012-television/